Letting Myself Feel

Ahhh emotions! Where do I begin with emotions? I’ve touched on how I’ve avoided them, repressed them, denied them and lost touch with them. At one point I totally disconnected myself from my feelings so that I could cope with living another day.

I honestly believed they were my enemy. These crazy out of control emotions were the reason I was so miserable! Then came the day I realized I could no longer ignore them. Not if I wanted to regain my sanity! But saying you’re gonna face them and actually doing it, is like saying you’re gonna run a marathon, then actually putting forth that effort. It’s involving a lot of work and pain.

To say that my emotions were my enemy, was me not taking responsibility for them. Everybody has them, but not everyone is controlled by them. As we grow into adulthood, we learn how to manage and deal with them. If we don’t learn this we become emotionally unstable adults. We can’t deal with life’s challenges successfully and our way of coping is to take up an addiction, or we simply disconnect and sink ourselves in depression. Neither one is good, they’re both destructive.

What makes feelings so scary to us? Maybe because they can be disguised, and to a certain extent faked. Or is it because we can’t touch them? One thing is certain though, when they’re ignored they don’t go away. Think of it like a sink of dirty dishes, the longer you let them sit, the filthier they get! My pile of dishes had waited long enough.

For example, I’ve carried a lot of anger with me through the years. It was justifiable to a certain extent. I was angry with the people who had harmed me when I was defenseless. I never used that anger to face them and call them out, exposing their shamelessness. Instead I took it out on my loved ones who had nothing to do with that part of my life. I also took it out on myself. In facing that part of my life and “allowing” myself to be upset at the ones responsible, I’ve released a lot of anger. It’s no longer festering within me creating rage. Anger is beneficial when it moves us to action, to right the wrong, but rage is destructive. Nothing good comes out of it.

We don’t have to let anger become rage, sadness become depression, happiness become mania, fear become anxiety. If we become angry at a person or situation, voice it and do what you can to make things right. If we’re sad; grieve, cry your eyes out and let others comfort you. When we’re happy, share it with others including those who aren’t so fortunate. This can help us stay balanced. When we’re fearful, we should ask ourselves “what do I need to do to feel safe?”. If it’s fear that stems from thoughts, what is the likelihood of them becoming a reality? Take a deep breath and release them, they serve no useful purpose in your mind. Or better yet write them down. Share them with someone you trust, or read them over when you have calmed down and relaxed. They won’t have the same power over you as when you felt fearful, and it’s easier to get to the root of what brought up that feeling.

Emotions aren’t our enemy. We don’t need to fear them, but we shouldn’t ignore them either. When we let them flow and deal with them accordingly, they make life enjoyable. When we bottle them up they stagnate and we become emotionally sick.

Its ok to feel your feelings!

Love you guys ; )

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4 thoughts on “Letting Myself Feel

  1. Read all the post that you have made, I was ‘who is this beautiful eloquent woman!’ Like that beautiful rendering of the caterpillar! Wow! The struggle with ourselves is constant,as I was listening to you through these posts I am coming to see the strong beauty that I you are becoming. Love you muncho : )

    • Oh and I resisted! I resisted going through that liquefying process. I went in kicking & screaming, but I’m glad I finally gave in! Nothing is scarier than not knowing what’s on the other side. For those that have yet to go through it, all I can say is, “it’s gonna be okay”. There is relief from the pain! Love you.

  2. I love you so much! I love how you pour yourself out! I actually imagine myself speaking like that one day. Once you have come to grips with how emotions should be handled you seem to grow. This is pure growth and it’s beautiful. Thank you for allowing me to experience this journey with you. I know how it feels to be angry at the wrong people, it’s a nightmare. Good for you, great job. Keep up the hard work. The best is yet to come. Love you

    • Thank you for being there as I’ve been dealing with and processing things these last few months. Your own journey has inspired me to continue going forward. I’m so proud to have you as my sister! Love you!

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